


one kiss away from killing

by cvdmus



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Bruce Wayne is Batman, Implied Mpreg, Joker is Actually A Decent Person, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 20:00:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14626002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cvdmus/pseuds/cvdmus
Summary: batman is tired of being batman, so he finally decides to confront joker and say he's bruce wayne. joker's like: "i knew it". some confessions happen.[title: bishop briggs - river]





	one kiss away from killing

**Author's Note:**

> oh god, i'm finally writing a fanfic for my guilty otp! 
> 
> have fun reading it! it's smut-free but y'know... i don't want any youngling to blame me for my foul usage of language ayyye.

Bruce is awake, it's time. He looks at the clock on the right side of the wall, silently judging his decisions from far, far away. But apparently, it lacks the skill of expressing its thoughts back and Bruce is somehow glad. A broken bottle of whiskey he is careful not to step on, he gets up and like there is a heavy rope on his back he is charged to pull, he walks slowly towards the main room in which he sees Alfred. With a voice that is unfortunately sour from crying out loud, he talks. "Alfred?" he says.

"Yes, Master Wayne?"

"I need... you to burn my clothes," he says, his right hand shaking from an unknown source. He guesses it is because with that right hand, he hit everything he could've find last night. "Everything related to Batman."

He can clearly see the confusion in Alfred's face. "Come again, Master Wayne?" He asks in disbelief. "You want me to do what to what?"

Bruce shrugs. "Burn Batman, please. I'll be back by morning, or... I don't know. Please no trace of Batman until I'm back, Alfred." Alfred nods carefully, though he is obviously in a state of shock. He is obviously not going to burn  _everything_ but some of them, everything in the eyesight of Bruce, to be honest. Still, in this mansion, there are particular rooms that Master Wayne is not aware of their existence. 

Bruce leaves the mansion in a hurry, without even realizing he's been wearing the same outfit for three days in bed and out. He takes the Batmobile and rides off to the place where he is to meet with Joker and fight to _death_. He's had too many drinks but he sees the lines perfectly straight, or it is what he assumes so. He shakes his head and continues to drive carefully, under ten minutes, he can see the tower near the Arkham and he decides to just walk inside the building instead of crashing it while enter. He parks the Batmobile, gets out of it and enters the tower. He takes the elevator, almost twenty stores later, he gets out. He can see the skyline perfectly from here, the shining building of the city Gotham and Joker who is talking to himself, having a pleasant conversation about God knows what. 

Joker doesn't realize Bruce standing there, so he coughs slightly to get his attention. Joker looks behind over his shoulder and glares at Bruce for a few seconds before turning his whole body completely against the man. "What... what are you doing here?" he asks.

"There is something we need to... discuss... Joker."

Joker frowns. "I can see... that. But... I'm about to have a... date with Bats, you see, _sweetcheeks_." 

For some reason, Bruce blushes over the nickname but decides not to think about it too much. "That's what we need to discuss."

Joker starts to sniff "But... why?" he says. "I need Batman!"

"The thing is, Joker. I'm... I'm the Batman."

Joker rolls his eyes and steps back. Bruce is anxious, because if the man with red lipstick and serious psychotic tendencies take another step back, he'll fall and die. "I know, but you're not Batman."

"You... you know? Know how?"

"Look, _dear_ , you buy the fancy clothes and... and you come here to beat the shit out of me- you look perfect in that costume by the way, did you know that it makes your butt look bigger than usual?- and then you say some... philosophical things like you were never my friend et cetera while delivering me to Gordon. That's our date. Not Bruce... Wayne showing up to talk about his kinks about being spanked in a leather costume and a... and an identity crisis."

Waking up with a serious headache was the worst thing Bruce imagined this night, but Joker knowing his identity since forever and not mentioning it is a whole lot of different case. He doesn't even realize that his mouth is open wide and staring at Joker with an empty gaze. Joker sighs, but in a seconds he grins like a maniac. "Brucey?.. You like that? Bruce-y: I just made that up!" he says and claps his hands. "Did you like it, Brucey?"

Bruce nods submissively, he doesn't even listen to what Joker says. He might've nodded to a "let's blow up Gotham together!" and he has zero idea. He tightens his grip on his own arm, then when his left hand starts to leave a mark on his right hand, he notices the traces of blood and stops squeezing his arm so tight. 

"I thought... I though you didn't... didn't..." Bruce can't even figure out how to talk, so he just mumbles some words. Even Joker never saw Batman like this devastated before. 

"Well, Brucey, it was super easy to put two and two together, y'know. I look at the Gotham City, Bruce Wayne is the sexiest- I look at here and Batman is the sexiest. SO I say to myself: Batsy must be _Brucey_!" 

A few minutes pass, unlike Joker's personality, he's quiet and he left Bruce alone. Because he knows that this thing is a big deal for him. Finally, Bruce stands up and quickly walks towards the clown. 

"You 'kay n-" Joker's hushed, with the wet lips on his own dry ones. He is not surprised at all, he gives in to the kiss and do you know when the surprise occurs to Joker? Bruce Fucking Wayne bites down Joker's lower lip and he fucking moans. Can you _imagine_? Joker smirks but Bruce doesn't allow him to do such things. Because he's hungry for the lips he had wished to taste for some while now. When they both stop to breath some oxygen they lacked for the past few seconds, Bruce is, somehow, the first to talk. "Shut up," he says, even though Joker never said anything.

"Why, Bruc-"

"Shut up".

Joker grins. "D'ya say we got little _babies_ too?"

"Shut up."

"A'ight."

Joker can see Bruce blushing. He teases more because he's an asshole and he loves the Batman. "Will you bear me my children, Brucey?"

"I SAID _SHUT UP_!"

"'kay, 'kay..." Joker starts to laugh and in two seconds Bruce is laughing with him too. He's happy. Joker's happy. Someone in the distance screams, Gotham's crowded and police helicopters roam the city. It's a fine night, it starts to rain.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> comments appreciated if any  
> ✩◝(◍´∀`◍)◜✩


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